Beast Boy's Guide to Getting and Keeping Your Girl
by SushiChica
Summary: My name is Beast Boy. Yeah, that Beast Boy. Defender of Jump City. Hero of New York. The coolest Titan of them all. This is my awesome guide on how to get your dream girl and keep her too...if mine doesn't kill me first. RaeBB ONESHOT


Okay, so this is a little…outta the ordinary. Hey, whatever. I'm trying to be original here so…yeah…I hope you guyz like it. It's just a one shot quickie. I wrote it a long time ago…like…near Christmas last year, so yeah…

**A QUICK NOTE:** Ummm…there's this one part in this fic where Raven actually WANTS her B-Day to be remembered…well…um…I kinda wrote this before Birthmark came out, so just pretend kay? I'm really sorry!

Disclaimer: -:-Stabs DC and Cartoon Network several times with Spork of Doom-:- GIVE ME THE TEEN TITANS! NOW! Translation: I don't own 'em…YET…

Dedication: To StarryRavenFire. Merry (very very very LATE) Christmas! This is your OTHER gift: all out BBRae. Enjoy!

**Beast Boy's Guide to Getting (and Keeping) Your Girl**

**Written by Beast Boy**

_My name is Beast Boy. Yeah, that Beast Boy. Defender of __Jump_ _City__. Hero of __New York__. The coolest Titan of them all. This is my awesome guide on how to get your dream girl and keep her too. Follow my instructions and your damsel in distress will come running…then again if mine ever read this, she'd probably hurl me off the top of __Titans_ _Tower__…again…_

_In any case, I hope you find my super amazing guide to great girlness useful._

_1) Don't annoy her._

_Chicks hate it when you bug them constantly. Try to avoid agitation at all costs. _

"Hey Raven…" The psychic looked up from the book she had been reading at the counter of the kitchen.

"What?"

"Want some tofu?" Beast Boy's overexcited face was suddenly in her own.

"Not really." Raven returned to her book.

"C'mon Rae! You know you can't resist it's soy goodness!" This time, the Changeling shoved the package over the book, obscuring the writing.

"Believe me, I can." Raven pushed the tofu back.

"Fine. I'm just going to have to poke you until you give in." Beast Boy was grinning madly.

"Don't you dare-"

Poke.

"Beast Boy, I told you-"

Poke.

"Beast Boy…"

Poke.

"STOP IT!" Raven covered the Changeling in her dark energy and sent him crashing out the window of the tower and into the ocean.

_2) If she wants to be alone, leave her alone. _

_Girls like their privacy and need their personal space a lot. Don't ask me why, all I know is that they require alone time…often._

Raven looked up from meditation, hearing someone knocking on her door.

"I'm meditating."

"Raven, you _have_ to come. Cy just got Ninja Spoons 7 and-"

"Beast Boy, please go away. I need to concentrate. You are not helping."

"But this was rated five stars by Gamer Dude Magazine and called 'Spoontacular' by Rolling Monkey Reviews!"

"I'm sure that in your tiny little mind, that kind of information is interesting, but it really makes no difference to me. Go away."

"Rae, you don't know what you're missing-"

"Quite frankly, I don't care."

"C'mon! You _know_ you wanna watch-"

"GO AWAY!"

A splintering crash brought a smirk to Raven's pale face.

Ten stories below, Beast Boy landed in the ocean with a loud splash, his head still aching with the impact against the window at the end of the hall.

_3) Never forget her birthday. _

_I don't know why, but for some reason, girls get into hissy fits when you forget their birthdays. On the other hand, if you mention their age, they go ballistic on you. Go figure…_

"Hey, Raven..." Beast Boy slid beside the psychic who had been scanning a neat stack of books in the corner.

"Hello." Raven's tone was as dry as usual.

"You must feel pretty special today." Beast Boy was grinning. Raven chanced a smile.

"Yeah…I guess…well…perhaps…"

"Today is _the_ day, you know?"

"I…suppose…"

"Do you have any idea of what day it is?" Raven gave the Changeling an odd stare.

"Of course I do. It's my birthday." A blank look crossed Beast Boy's face.

"…It…is?" Raven's face darkened.

"You mean…that's not what you were talking about?"

"_No_, I was talking about Mortal Combat 4! The designers named a character after you-"

"JERK!"

Two floors below, Starfire stood looking out the window of the training room.

"What's caught your eye?" Robin ruffled his girlfriend's fiery red hair playfully, then gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"Nothing in particular. Just the simple beauty of the oce-"

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!" A screaming Beast Boy flew downwards towards the water, followed by a shower of shattered glass. Robin sighed.

"Must she break the tower every time they fight?"

"Perhaps this is not the best time for cake and cream that has been iced…"

"You're probably right…"

_4) Always respond when she talks to you, no matter what you're doing, no matter what she's asking._

_This is an interesting one. Girls hate being ignored, yet they see no problems when they ignore you. Well, sometimes girls get dangerous when you don't pay attention to what they say, especially when what they're talking about is actually something important. You'd do well to pay special attention to this piece of advice._

Beast Boy and Cyborg were glued to the couch. As usual. Both were doggedly determined to beat the other, paying no mind to the rest of the world.

"Hey Rust Bucket, had enough?"

"You wish."

"Eat radiation!"

"Beast Boy…" Raven appeared behind the couch.

"Oh no you don't!" Cyborg maneuvered his character skillfully.

"Bring it on!"

"I'm bringing it!"

"Beast Boy." Raven looked slightly annoyed at being ignored.

"You found my secret base! You were NOT supposed to find my secret base!" The Changeling jumped up, watching the game anxiously, fingers flying across the controller.

"BEAST BOY!"

"What!"

"…You asked me to lunch?" The Changeling gaped.

"You expect me to abandon my game to go EAT? You've got to be KIDDING me!" He turned back to the TV.

"Hey man…you…should go… we can just pause the game for now…" Cy stole a glance at a white hot Raven.

"Forget it! The minute I turn my back you're gonna attack my secret base!"

"No…really dawg…GO…"

_Crash._

Beast Boy sailed through the window and into the ocean.

_5) Admit when you're wrong._

_Chicks HATE when you can't admit that you're not perfect, so be a manly dude and take proper responsibility for your actions._

"Has anyone seen the TV remote?" Beast Boy was on all fours, checking under the couch for any sign of the tiny black device so often lost by the team. From her chair at the kitchen counter, Raven rolled her eyes.

"It's in the refrigerator."

"Hey Cy! Where's the remote?" The half metal man simply shrugged and went back to his computer.

"It's in the refrigerator." Raven's voice was a bit more forceful this time as she took a sip from her mug of herbal tea.

"Robin! Dude! Remote!" Beast Boy rose from the floor and dusted himself off.

"Haven't seen it." Robin exited the room just as soon as he had entered it, his arm around Starfire's shoulder.

"It's in the refrigerator you blockhead!" Raven chucked her empty cup at the Changeling's head.

"OW! I'm your _friend_. Don't _throw_ things at me!" Beast Boy rubbed the back of his head tenderly. "Besides how would you know where the remote is? As if you pay enough attention…"

"I saw you put it in there yesterday."

"Oh yeah right."

"It's in there."

"It is NOT! Who'd be dumb enough to leave a remote in the fridge?"

"…You…"

"_Excuse me?"_

"Fine. Don't believe me. Whatever."

"If you want me to believe you, then prove it!" Raven glared at the Changeling harshly.

"I will."

The refrigerator door blasted off its hinges and amongst the masses of blue furry food sat…

"…The…remote…"

"I'm not even going to bother with an 'I told you so.'" Raven eyed Beast Boy once more, then got up to grab a new cup to fill with more tea.

"I…uh…I knew that was there. The whole time. Really, I did." Beast Boy grinned in his all knowing way.

"…Right…"

_Slam. _

The Changeling hit the wall.

"Oops. I missed."

The residents of Jump City could've sworn they'd seen a green object hurdling towards the ocean a t 3:32 that afternoon.

_6) Love her for who she is and don't try to change the things that don't matter._

_Girls don't like being criticized, but when you try to change the things that aren't even that important, they'll freak out on you. Besides, don't be picky. If you love her, you'll take the good and the bad._

"Whatcha got there?" Beast Boy took a seat next to Raven, who was listening to music on a walkman. The empathy cracked a cautious eye open.

"Full Blown Rose" Beast Boy's face contorted.

"Full Blown Rose? You have _got_ to be kidding me! They're all…weird and stuff. Here, listen to some good music!" Before Raven could protest, the Changeling had popped open the walkman and switched the CD, cranking it up the volume for extra effect.

Raven screamed as a string of rap flooded her ears at full blast. Pulling off the headphones and throwing them halfway across the room (where she could still hear the foul sounds loud and clear), she gave Beast Boy a hard look.

"…I'm…going…to leave now…"

"You do that." The Changeling suddenly turned back.

"Hey, before I go...here, this is for you." He tossed a pink cloth at Raven.

"What…is this?" She held up a tiny pink skirt.

"It's a pink skirt."

"Well _obviously._ What I meant is why are you giving this to me."

"Oh…well I've decided that you're too dark. As your friend, let me be the one to say that you need more color! Y'know, like pink!" Beast Boy grinned. Raven didn't.

"…Get out."

"What?" Raven's eyes glowed.

" GET OUT!" The Changeling flew through the window. I think you know where he landed.

Splash.

_7) Never go too fast._

_This is the last topic in my ultra-cool guide. It's also the most important. Girls like it when you go slow…unless your girlfriend is a slut (just kidding). Go slow and you'll probably be safe. If your girl wants to go faster, let her be the judge of that._

Raven sat on the roof of the tower, Beast Boy sat beside her, awkwardly so. The sun was setting and the ocean looked like a bed of crystals.

"It's beautiful…" Raven wasn't talking to anyone in particular, but nevertheless, Beast Boy was listening.

"Yeah…"The Changeling's eyes were only half open, weary after a long day. Glancing at his Gothic friend, he inhaled deeply and took a chance. "...so are you." Raven's head swung in his direction.

"Excuse me?"

"I…uh…"

"…Did…you…just call me…beautiful...?"

"Erm…yes? Well…kinda?" Beast Boy grinned stupidly. "Was that…okay?" The empath sat unmoved; frozen with a shocked fear. Words carefully leaked from her mouth, her words cautious and shaky.

"…People have called me cute." Raven almost laughed. "Disturbing, I know. I've heard people call me hot. Some say I'm pretty, but no one's ever called me beautiful-" Beast Boy leaned forwards without warning and captured her mouth in a kiss. Butterflies danced in Raven's stomach but she quelled them, growing bolder and wrapping her arms around the Changeling's neck. Beast Boy, encouraged by her action, allowed his tongue to probe Raven's lips for acceptance. Shocked, the empath pushed him from her.

"What was _that?_" Beast Boy bit his lip.

"Uh…an attempt to French kiss you?"

"UG!" Raven gave the Changeling a one armed shove, sending him hurdling towards the ocean. Again.

"Boys…"

_Well there you have it. My fool proof guide to getting your girl! I hope it was helpful to you. Good luck girl getting. _

_Have fun,_  
_Beast Boy_

"Beast Boy…What's this?" Raven picked up a stack of papers that lay on his desk.

"Uh…nothing!" The Changeling jumped up from his bed and snatched the manuscript from his girlfriend's tapered fingers. It was too late though, the psychic had seen all she needed too.

"Beast Boy's Guide to Getting (and Keeping) Your Girl?"

"Uh…yeah! I figured…I mean…you just…please don't hurt me?" Raven gave her boyfriend a hard stare.

"…drown."

**Five Minutes Later…**

Beast Boy crawled onto one of the rocks that made up Titans Island, dripping wet. Slowly pulling himself up, the Changeling punched the call button next to the door of the tower. Cyborg was quick to open it.

"Again, man?"

"Yep."

Cyborg sighed inwardly. Beast Boy would never learn.

_P.S.- One final tip…if you ever decide to write a book, don't let your girlfriend read it. _

THE END

Heh. I think Raven might have been a LITTLE OOC in like…one of those…but still, it was fun. Hope you guyz liked it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Twas fun indeed.

As Always,  
SushiChica


End file.
